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Thank you for sharing Hannah!! It’s so encouraging to hear about other people’s journeys with all this 🙂 (And God bless you for your creativity to be able to post your conversations with God–whilst keeping the privacy of what you feel led to keep private–what a great way to do it!!)
I think it’s AWESOME that at ANY age anyone is willing, and wanting to learn something NEW–with and from God! And I think one of the marks of humility IS IN being “teachable”. God bless YOU for taking this journey IN your sixties! God bless you for being willing to go with God “somewhere new”! God bless you for daring to “get out of the boat”, and are taking tentative steps with Jesus out on the water! (I found that hard/scary due to doubt-related struggles and fears–when I was much younger when I started discovering these awesome truths (meaning I had less potentially to have to start UNLEARNING or LEAVING BEHIND)!) I think you already ARE a beautiful testimony of Faithfulness to God–to be walking where you are…
As for the issue at hand… I’ve been reading Hebrews 4 repeatedly today… And I’m reminded now how we’re encouraged: “For we do not have a high priest who is not able to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been harasses by the enemy in all respects like we are, and was without sin. Therefore we must come to the throne of God who grants favor with the right of free and bold, open and frank speech, able to say what we like, in order to take hold of mercy and find favor which leads to help in time of need.” (I’m using a translation called “The Source” by Dr A. Nyland.) So–in your situation–please keep in mind that God knows your heart! He knows how much you want to please Him… He knows how much you/we WANT to have amazing faith, and not have doubts… So–should they come again–I encourage you to keep letting the doubts draw you closer and closer to (even deeper) intimacy with Jesus :)… It’s okay to STILL talk about it with God–even if the decision has already been made/stated/revealed to you. You can perhaps ask other questions, that might help soothe you further, or encourage you deeper–like:
“Lord, can You remind me of other times You have gone with me on past decisions, or hard things?”
“Lord, can You show me more of Your heart and emotions, as regards this decision–to help strengthen my faith–that this is where You stand?”
“Lord, are there any demons, or obstacles, that are hindering my ability to believe in the way that I would want? Anything that needs to be bound and prayed away?”Or any other question you can think of, that might comfort and strengthen you 🙂 That way–what the Enemy means for your harm (=to try and hinder your newfound, confident intimacy with the Lord) ends up driving you even deeper into God’s steady Arms–and thus works for your good!
God so bless you Hannah, strengthen your heart, and give you all that you need to walk this path with Him, in Jesus’ Name!
I think you’re on the right track Hannah 🙂
I’ve been inspired recently to begin doing the same thing–to take Scriptures like that, that I need God’s help to help me apply more, and to renew my mind with–and converted them into “my personal, present-tense, positive reality” (as Mark Virkler beautifully put it)–and begin speaking them out loud…
I keep hearing that message over and over–from different sources–about speaking them out loud 🙂
Wish you all the best Hannah, and for God’s spontaneous flow to flow to you and through you, in ways more amazing than you could have imagined in Jesus’ Name.
Wow, that is so beautiful and detailed. I am so glad for you our Lord is already so moving upon the eyes of your heart, to help you see so clearly 🙂 I just prayed He’ll bring me also to that place of being able to experience Him that way on this earth.
The insight from Mark is also really great, as to what type of questions we can follow up with, when we notice certain emotions. Thanks Mark!
